You know that I could Use Somebody.

I've realized that I've put so much thought in how to act around him. I've become so concious of myself when I'm near him. Because I want to do everything right. I want to make it seem like I am a laid back, fun person. I put make up on, I dress nicely. In hopes of seeing him. Other guys, Great gentlemen that treat me so nicely. They've promised to be the best guy I've ever met. They swear they're different from the rest of them. And for a second I believe them. But I still end up hesitating, questioning my feelings. Because those guys aren't HIM. I don't get it. I am not myself around him. I am too shy, I don't even think clearly. I'm tongue-tied, because I actually care what he thinks of me. I hate it. The only reason I keep going back to him is because I am physically tied to him. I'll be tied to him for the rest of my life. The fact of the matter is I have to accept that, and move on. Keep on Trying to get away from him. I am a true Gemini. One side of me doesn't care about any of this reasoning. I just like the lust. And the other side is a train wreck. Complete with the screaming wheels and explosion in the middle of nowhere.