Then came the day she realized she lost her soul. Everything she once stood for, it has been forgotten. Innocence is long gone. Clarity, Sensibility. She did away with those the day that boy came to stay. Come, sail away. It's merely called growing up.


FUCK IT. I can't do anything anymore.

Do you ever get that feeling? When you realize that everything you once had is slowly yet surely slipping out of your grasp. The one who was your excuse to breath, doesn't pay you any attention anymore. The one you thought would be there for you, he's gone.

Your sex is on fire.

UtOh.
Bettina's getting put to sleep in the morning :/ Tennis match 9-7. Picked up Liz after school. Apollo. then went to his house.
Yuhp :)
holllller

It's been a hard day's night.

I love how I could have the most amazing time of my life, and then come home and it's all ripped to pieces. Everything that I do is supervied and screened by my parents. And yet when they spring shit on me, they expect me to just accept it. There is no way in hell I'm gonna be okay with ALL my aunts and my grandma staying in my house while my dad is away. That's going to be Hell.
I love how I wait until the last minute, and still manage to be the biggest dissappointment to everyone. I want to do things, I want to get out. But I'm not taking action. I think, Am I really THAT lazy? I don't want to be this way. I'm settling. I don't freakin believe in settling. I hate where I am in every aspect of my life.
I love that my dreams are the only constant in my life. No matter what I'm doing, I'm still set on what I want to get out of life,. And It pisses me off. I'm not sure if I'll ever set forth and actually do the shit that I want to do. But to me, it's like, It's okay as long as it's still in my line of sight.
I hate what I've become.

All Mixed Up.

Hmmmmm.

March 2, 2009.
C: So you're saying you've been interested in nobody else. For a year
It's good you did. I'm just curious as to where it came from after a year.
M: I've been intereted in other people, but all of those guys weren't you. I tried bringing it up, but then I just bit my tounge.
C: Why
M:Because Apparantly you were interested in different people
C: But look at the trend heather
M: What trend carson. I'm sick of wondering. Just straight up tell me.
C: Okay. The trend being date sex Leave. And I like you. You''re awesome and you're great in bed. I just don't date people really. Idfk. I meant what I said on the couch. I really did. I just got scared.
M: Carson I never date people. I have complete issues when it comes to dating, or even liking someone for that matter. But with you, it was different. I actually liked you, I did anything I could just to be near you. But I can't just deal with the faact that I wasn't the only one staying in your bed.
C: ...I don't know Heather... What do you want
M: It's you carson. I've realized that I'll always be here for you. Take advantage of me if you want, I don't care. You need to tell me carson. What do you want.
C: I don't know heather. I want you. But I don't wanna date. I don't know.
M: I don't wanna date either carson. But I don't wanna be with you if you've got other girls on the side. I can't handle that.
And I don't wanna change you.
And now you're the one not talking?
C: No its not that. I just... I don't know. I want to see you.
M: You just saw me.
C: That's not what I meant and you know it. Some nights I lie down and think about you. And I wish you were there.
Don't quit now.
M: I get that way too. But what we do, I just feel empty. Like when we watch movies, I actually wanna sit there and watch a movie with you. I don't want everything to be sexual. I've told you more about me than I've ever told my best friend. But when things get carried away I just don't wanna stop.
C: And the problem is things always get carried away?
Heather... Keep talkin to me.
M: Sorry, I just don't know what to say.. It' not like its a problem. I like getting carried away with you. I don't know.
C: I like it too :/ Please what do you want to do
M: I want to spend as much time with you as possible before you leave.
C: Then come see me any time you want. Or I'll see you. And if we hang out during the day we won't get carried away.
M: Okay. And sorry for crying in front of you. I didn't want to.
C: Don't worry about that :/ and is that really okay for you?
M: Yes it's really okay.
C: Like as in I could just show up at your window?
M: Yeah you could but I can't promise I'd get out of my house.
C: Ah with your alarm.
M: Yessir. but my dad leaves the 10th. It' easier when he's gone.
C: Ah. Well then lemme ask when and if you wanna see me or hang out sometime.
So
Mmmmm so.
So?
Yeah?
So what'd you wanna do?
With what?
C: You and i
M: I thought we figured that out
C: I mean like when and how and whatnot
M: Oh. Idk really. Whenever?
C: Whenever?
M: Well, yeah. But probably starting after my dad leaves.
C: Ah :p I'da gotten you like asap
M: Hahah sorry kid
C: I'da grabbed you tonight
M: Ya gonna ahve to wait til after the 10th
C: lame :p