Yeah.

I hate my life. Cause that'll never happen forreal. And he'll keep movin on to different girls. I'll be in the past.

And yet I still find myself running to him. And pathetically throwing myself at him. What else can I freakin do?

zzzomg

So many sexy juniors. WTF is wrong with me. I need to stop talking to gross guys that I don't even know. I'm not gonna be the girl who hooks up with guys, for late night booty calls. It's not me. It never should've been me...

ick

I feel like I should be ooober sad about recent events. Or I don't know, something. I don't even know anymore. I just want to be alone. And I never am.

Misconceptions

I was sitting here waiting for that big boom. I thought I would run into his arms. He'd be in his uniform, scoop me up, and just lay one on me... Someone call Eisenstaedt, because that kiss would become legendary. It would be history for me and him. And then the doves would fly, and the sun would set... And now I realize that everything in life is not like Hollywood. There was no incredible encounter like I expected. It was pretty anti-climatic to tell the truth. And maybe I'm so uneasy about everything because it's not going the way I planned. Because I actually realize that maybe he didn't even miss me. Maybe he doesn't care about me. Scratch that, I know he doesn't. But I just figured there would be Something. Anything. But right now, there's less than Nothing. It's possible. Just introduce yourself to him. I held on for so damn long, and there's absolutely nothing there. There never has been. Even if he said there was, it was a lie.

And the fact that I am finally understanding this, is how I'm getting over him.

my bffff says

We're in repair, we're not together but we're getting there. John mayer is love! I'm glad you're gettttting there baby!

Love her.

99 red balloons

I don't think I can take this. I've only seen him once since he's been home, but already I'm nervous of what I might not be able to avoid. Trying to contact me is not okay. People are already asking if I'm okay with him here, as if it is such a big deal. I've got a no big deal attitude about everything. But at the end of the day, I'm scared to death. I hate all these other girls that he talks to. And I most definitely hate the fact that he's back. He didn't try to keep in touch with me. And it's not like I was waiting for him or anything, I really wasn't. I just don't want to get sucked back in to this lifestyle of me running to him whenever he calls. And I have a feeling it's what he expects. For once in my life, I want to follow my brain, not my heart.

Not so brief encounter

None of this should've ever happened. But I just don't give a fuck anymore. Honestly, what's done is done and in the past. I've moved on. And I'm staying away. I can say it, and mean it. I just need a little guidance here and there. He's coming back in a week, and I don't care. I don't want to see him only because I don't trust him, or myself, to be alone. Other than that, I am fine.