& Today's A Day Just Like Any Other

The sad part is, I've got no more inspiration. Or shall I call it - no more muse. I have nothing to show for myself anymore. It's as if I have no feelings at all. Apathetic at best. I feel so useless, not using my hand to express my pure feelings. I become an android coasting through my life on auto-pilot. It is true that the best kind of artist is the one who takes the suffering and transfers it on the canvas. Or takes their heartbreak and transcribes it into lyric poetry. I don't share my feelings out loud. I've never been that type of burden on anyone but a few best friends. But on paper, I hold nothing back. I unchain my heart, mind and soul to let my spirit flow between the lines on the paper. I have no rules when it comes to writing. Like my very being, I despise them. I let everything out, I say what I need to say, and then I move on. Absolutely and completely forget about it. Yet now I find myself in some longing act of despair, all for the sake of poetry. To save my soul from ever becoming boring. For the sake of art. For the sake of my natural philosophy. I yearn for some life changing event so my words will never feel unimportant. So that my words will never lose meaning. Because my words, they are something that will never leave me. My friends, my family. Losing them is heart wrenchingly inevitable. Fate will tear people apart, and thrust people into the same fires. She will throw some into the skies, let them soar. And others she will tear down to shake with the Earth. But my words. God Save me, long after I am gone from this world, My Words shall live on.

Need can be confused with Love.

I believe that in order to be "heartbroken" one would have to had given up their heart, their mind, their soul to someone they were completely in love with. You'd have to give your heart, trust that one person with your world in their hands. Feel comfortable enough to unlock your mind, and share all of your secrets with that "special" someone you love. You'd have to empty your soul into this person. Let no barriers block what energy passes between you. What you feel when you're lying with this person, giving up your heated passion for each other. I've never been in love. I've never given someone as much as I should in any relationship. At one point, I believed I was on my way towards love. I put my heart into his hands, I shared secrets I never told anyone, I trusted him with absolutely everything. I felt security in his arms. But I could never call it love, I could never call him mine. I have no excuse for my feelings. I can't explain them, but I know I won't say I'm heartbroken. To be heartbroken, I'd had to have had a time when I expressed myself as if I was in love. And I have never been in love.

"without the possibility of pain there can be no joy, no real love."

fuck change

"It's a time for change". Funny considering you don't even realize what you're standing for. You care more about the bad reputation the other candidate has. You care more about the race of the presidential candidate. You care more about the superficial standings than the actual political views of either candidate. Don't sit and complain about Bush when you're just quoting what you hear from the latest Bill Mahr show. Don't give me shit about Republicans when you don't understand the difference between the parties. And don't you dare sit in front of me and try to speak your mind with false facts. I am not a person who keeps her mouth shut. I will push you back down on the ground where you belong. Just because someone has the same political views as another person, doesn't mean they're going to run the country in the same ways. Change is coming. Not just because everyone's voting for the new face in history. Change is coming because we've become the less educated, ignorant people of society. You see more people running to the polls now because "they want to support change". Where were they during the 2000 and 2004 elections? Not voting. Because they're too lazy. And then they sat and complained about a President who did a damn good job leading a country through terrorist attacks that the former president before Bush brought to us. But now? What's different now is you just want someone who's black to finally be President. You want to be a part of the "Change"? You're going to be a part of turning this country in to a shithole. THANKS.