Hahaha. fuck it. I'll cry if I want. But fuck it. fuck it. fuck it.
Got my hurr cut.
I lost my way. It's hard to find it through.
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Saturday, April 25, 2009
How original.
From:
Patrick [ice]
Date:
Apr 23, 2009 3:59 PM
Subject:
i made a choice
Body:
but she didn't hear my viocecallin out, she know i wanted her badtreat her well, she know i never wanted her sadbut when somethings blocked long enough it gets hard, like toughand ten months in my casecarried my self all over the placebut im sorry and i honestly don't know what to doi proved my self to youjust squashed me wit your shoeand i kow that you never really felt the sameand i kow im the only one left to blamefor fallin so hard, but ive picked myself upturn the key, hit the pedal speed away in the truckin a sentance with your name i''ll never say fuckthe only advice i can offer is that of good luck
From:
Patrick [ice]
Date:
Apr 24, 2009 9:01 PM
Subject:
sick and tired
Body:
of bein sick and tiredso thats whybecause i may be bilnd but i can tell right from wrong, i know you hear my song, but my head won't let you move along.i'm super calm, i let you walk all over me, cant you see? repeatedly said just how i felt for thee, an to my heart to my heart to my heart you posses the keybutyou kept it hidden away, to apart we will stay, if its what you want, ok but you started the nonsensebut i thinkthat the reason were not together, is different like the weather day to day, not that apart we will stay but that at the end we'll meet in that fateful waybut as for now? took a gun to my heart went pow and the peices have offically been cleaned up, wow.you couldn't've missed the underlying message...an if you didi don't know how.
Patrick [ice]
Date:
Apr 23, 2009 3:59 PM
Subject:
i made a choice
Body:
but she didn't hear my viocecallin out, she know i wanted her badtreat her well, she know i never wanted her sadbut when somethings blocked long enough it gets hard, like toughand ten months in my casecarried my self all over the placebut im sorry and i honestly don't know what to doi proved my self to youjust squashed me wit your shoeand i kow that you never really felt the sameand i kow im the only one left to blamefor fallin so hard, but ive picked myself upturn the key, hit the pedal speed away in the truckin a sentance with your name i''ll never say fuckthe only advice i can offer is that of good luck
From:
Patrick [ice]
Date:
Apr 24, 2009 9:01 PM
Subject:
sick and tired
Body:
of bein sick and tiredso thats whybecause i may be bilnd but i can tell right from wrong, i know you hear my song, but my head won't let you move along.i'm super calm, i let you walk all over me, cant you see? repeatedly said just how i felt for thee, an to my heart to my heart to my heart you posses the keybutyou kept it hidden away, to apart we will stay, if its what you want, ok but you started the nonsensebut i thinkthat the reason were not together, is different like the weather day to day, not that apart we will stay but that at the end we'll meet in that fateful waybut as for now? took a gun to my heart went pow and the peices have offically been cleaned up, wow.you couldn't've missed the underlying message...an if you didi don't know how.
It's Over.
Officially. And it's shocking. And I'm horribly upset. And I'm not taking it well. And this all surprises me.
I put so many guys in my life, just guys that I'll mess around with and have fun with. And I'll get hung up on them, just cause I'm used to that. It means nothing to me though. The only person that meant anything to me was Carson. And even then, it was shallow. It was hollow. I just didn't care. Literally. Apathetic. I don't care anymore. But that's why it was so different with Patrick.
He meant something to me. He knew everything about me. He predicted everything I did. He knew. He always knew. He was special to me. He was there for me. I talked to him until the sun rose. I talked to him about everything, anything. We didn't even have to talk. We could just be on the phone listening to a song, or singing to each other. But after 10 months of going in and out, of talking and stopping. Not seeing each other, I guess he got over it. Apparantly he got over it. And left me with a myspace bulletin.
He was different. I'm hurting so much because I put out my vulnerable side, again. The first time was with Carson. And it just sucked. And now. He was different. He was my proof. There was a good guy for me. And I guess I wasn't worth it anymore. I cried for a good half hour. Almost threw up. Then had to take sleeping pills. And even then I wasn't over it. Friday I took xanax in the morning before school. Apparantly I cried first period. Slept second and third. Bawled my eyes out all of lunch. Cried into fifth period. After I was done, I slept. And then was just fucking depressed all the rest of the day. But that didn't stop me from hooking up with Carson at the boat ramp. Then Emily took me out for dinner. Watched Wall-E and slept over at her house. I still was fucking down in the dumps. I didn't think him ending things would hurt me so hard. But it hurt. Hard. And it still hurts.
After all the shit I've been through. With guys using me, guys abusing me, and taking advantage of me. This was a different kind of guy. I knew it from the start. I just didn't know how to treat him. And I put so much effort into it, because I really wanted to be with him. But I was still messed up. I'd still go back to those old guys. But Patrick stayed by me..
I thought he would stay forever.
But I changed my ways. I stopped smoking and drinking. I was only talking to him. But after that. It was like pushing me over the deep end. He was my reason to smile. Everyone knew it. I always talked about him. He knew all the right words. Even if he did write them in spanish. I liked that. But now. I literally don't have any reason to genuinely smile. And it sucks. And I don't like life anymore. And I just want this year to be over with. I want me to be over with.
I put so many guys in my life, just guys that I'll mess around with and have fun with. And I'll get hung up on them, just cause I'm used to that. It means nothing to me though. The only person that meant anything to me was Carson. And even then, it was shallow. It was hollow. I just didn't care. Literally. Apathetic. I don't care anymore. But that's why it was so different with Patrick.
He meant something to me. He knew everything about me. He predicted everything I did. He knew. He always knew. He was special to me. He was there for me. I talked to him until the sun rose. I talked to him about everything, anything. We didn't even have to talk. We could just be on the phone listening to a song, or singing to each other. But after 10 months of going in and out, of talking and stopping. Not seeing each other, I guess he got over it. Apparantly he got over it. And left me with a myspace bulletin.
He was different. I'm hurting so much because I put out my vulnerable side, again. The first time was with Carson. And it just sucked. And now. He was different. He was my proof. There was a good guy for me. And I guess I wasn't worth it anymore. I cried for a good half hour. Almost threw up. Then had to take sleeping pills. And even then I wasn't over it. Friday I took xanax in the morning before school. Apparantly I cried first period. Slept second and third. Bawled my eyes out all of lunch. Cried into fifth period. After I was done, I slept. And then was just fucking depressed all the rest of the day. But that didn't stop me from hooking up with Carson at the boat ramp. Then Emily took me out for dinner. Watched Wall-E and slept over at her house. I still was fucking down in the dumps. I didn't think him ending things would hurt me so hard. But it hurt. Hard. And it still hurts.
After all the shit I've been through. With guys using me, guys abusing me, and taking advantage of me. This was a different kind of guy. I knew it from the start. I just didn't know how to treat him. And I put so much effort into it, because I really wanted to be with him. But I was still messed up. I'd still go back to those old guys. But Patrick stayed by me..
I thought he would stay forever.
But I changed my ways. I stopped smoking and drinking. I was only talking to him. But after that. It was like pushing me over the deep end. He was my reason to smile. Everyone knew it. I always talked about him. He knew all the right words. Even if he did write them in spanish. I liked that. But now. I literally don't have any reason to genuinely smile. And it sucks. And I don't like life anymore. And I just want this year to be over with. I want me to be over with.
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