I just can't do it anymore. I can't be with him. I can't kiss him without having someone else's face pop into my mind. As much as I like Patrick, I can't get over Carson. I want to shoot myself. Patrick is the perfect guy for me. In every way shape or form. And Carson treats me like shit. But I want Carson so bad. And I can't pretend to want Patrick anymore. All my feelings keep circling back to Carson. It's lustlustlust slut. But I can't help it. I don't want to be here anymore. It's just not fun. It's not fair to anyone. I don't want to be here anymore. Only Emily's keeping me sane. If I didn't text her, I would've done it already. This is such bullshit.